


Karkat Vantas' Life on the Verge of Chaos - In Color and High Definition

by goodbyeleijon



Series: RP Shenanigans [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ableist Language, Alternate Universe - Human, Child Neglect, F/F, F/M, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, None of which get explored in depth, Recreational Drug Use, lots of ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-18 10:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1424995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodbyeleijon/pseuds/goodbyeleijon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Karkat tackles the problem that is his future, and becomes three different kinds of pissed off in the process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a tiny tiny story I typed up as a backstory for an RP. Apologies for inconsistency, this is my first full fanfiction ever.

The minute you come home, you know that shit is going to hit the fan so hard they will have to wipe it off the ceiling for weeks.

Your dad’s shoes stand in the middle of the hallway, with his bag thrown in the corner carelessly. Kankri’s shoes look as neat as ever, but someone tripped over them and made them fly all the way to your father’s backpack.

Yep, that’s the unmistakable smell of trouble.

You carefully put your ratty grey backpack down next to your dad’s but when you peek around the corner into the kitchen, you regret it on the spot. Before having so much as the chance to turn around again and run as fast as possible, your dad clears his throat sternly to signalize that yes, you are indeed in deep shit.

After sitting down on the table, you are now facing your father’s stare and trying not to fidget.

“Karkat.”

You slam down your flat hands on the table in your first instinct and bare your teeth, about ready for confrontation, waiting, but the lack of reaction makes you sit back down, staring him down angrily so you don’t get the urge to bail. “What.” He looks calm enough for you to talk back to, but you can feel that something is wrong so you don’t overdo it. “Seriously dad, what.”

“Kankri told me about yesterday.”

Oh. You feel like you might throw up.


	2. Two

Is her lipstick darker today? What is even up with that. Honestly, you think it might even be bordering on black. As she talks, it’s all you can see, and her voice rushes over you like rain. Something about the future again, she is going to pursue her interest in fashion design, but the pang of anxiety in your chest snuffs out every bit of pride you feel for her on the spot. You know what you want to do. You also know that in your current situation, that is a thing of impossibility.

As you make your way over to your group of friends, the annoyance wavers off of you like metaphorical smoke, and you snap at the first asshole who dares to cross you, which of fucking course happens to be Strider again.

After an excruciating twenty minutes of nothing but useless banter and bickering, followed by even more unnecessary commentary about your appearance, you decide to make like a tree and fucking leave. What is usually a sweet gesture of affection between Kanaya and her girlfriend annoys the living crap out of you today, and as you turn around and flip the entire group the bird, you can hear an exasperated sigh or two. Fuck them, you don't care.

The flickering flame of your lighter soothes your nerves a bit, and the cig between your fingers does its part to help. You fill your lungs up with smoke and concentrate on the pavement tiles to your feet, counting the cracks and avoiding to step on them. Finally at the café your best bud works at, you tread out your cigarette butt and step in. The warm smell of pies fills you up and mixes with the smell of smoke on your clothes into a conundrum of safety. You love the dingy little corner Gamzee likes to call the bakery, and you love the way he almost kisses the top of your head as you hug him.

He dropped out of school two years ago to go after this dream of his, and you were so worried you pulled out your hair for weeks. But right now, you are just glad he exists.

He annoys the shit out of you with his happy go lucky attitude, but you also know his darker side, and you thank a god you don't believe in for his amazing therapist.

The next stop is the library, where you try to figure out alternatives to get into medicine. There are none.

Worked up again, you first text your best friend, who rambles walls of text consisting of half ironic metaphors and sexual innuendo, and then your worst stoner friend who makes one of his infuriating nose smileys at you. You swear you are this close to throwing your phone over the next hedge into some ugly mongrel's muzzle.

In your attempt to both text and not look like a complete tool, you forget to look where you are going and trip over your own feet like a total idiot. You land face first in a puddle of mud and decide that you have just about had it with the world when you see a receipt next to you. Barely avoided temper tantrum pushed aside, you sit up and look at the damn thing because if this isn't a sign from the goddesses of fate themselves you are going to be pissed.

It turns out that it is.


	3. Three

You take in the white facade of the library once more. The door handle feels cool in your grip, and you barely notice the girl at the entry as you nod at her and then bush past. The scratchy carpet's faded green reminds you of the lawn in front of your old school and you pick up your sweatshirt to smell at it. Closing your eyes would make you look like some homeless guy on crack, so you don't, although there is no one around to see it. Smell of fresh apple pie and two kinds of smoke in your nose, you make your way over to the computers. Somewhere here in the register - aha, there it is.  
You trot over to row 6, looking up at the walls of books that surround you. Who even reads that much. Fine, maybe Lalonde does, but she doesn't count. ASVAB study guide in hand, you leave the building again.  
Your daydreams of meeting a cute girl in the army were just starting to turn into worries over worries about your family finding out when a deep, chipper voice harshly startles you back to reality. You stare at him with clenched fists and as he rambles on about how great it is that he meets you here and oh my god it has been so long, whatever reason there is that you don't hang out more should just piss off et cetera et cetera, you feel your eye twitching at a dangerous rate. When he finally comes to talk about his girlfriend and how much she misses you too, your short fuse burns down completely and you all but explode in his face.  
"Yes, Egbert, isn't it just fucking peachy that I meet you here? My day wouldn't ever be complete without some blue eyed asshole thinking he rules my fucking life and eating my time like a hungry hungry caterpillar. I am more than fucking euphoric to hear that you and Spiderbitch are still a thing and since she hasn't eaten you alive yet, I am forced to assume that you two haven't done the vertical tango yet, which I am oh so fucking sorry for, and I would like to ask you to erase me from your last will before you do. Have a nice fucking day and for fucks sake get out of my way or I will have to use blunt force to get past your wall of oblivion." You shove him out of your way and your elbow finds his side.  
"Woah Karkat! No need to be so rude! I was just wondering if you wanted to come to Vriska's party tomorrow. Terezi will be there too, and she's going to bring Dave. Actually, most of our friends are going to come, now that I think about it..." How is that asshole so unfazed about getting an elbow in his spleen? And when did he even get this buff, what the fuck. Just as you try coming up with an excuse to avoid going to this beefcake's party, your brother stops on his bike right next to you. You are torn between a "thank fuck" and a "hell no", so you settle for a "Kankri, what the hell." And then hastily go to shove the study guide in your bag that you had been carrying around openly like a total chump up until this point. John's shoulders slump and he draws back one corner of his mouth, but he knows better than to stick around Kankri. He turns around with a sigh and waves back at you, making sure to smile at your brother too. "Bye guys! And think about it, Karkat!!"  
Wrong thing to say. Kankri shoots you a look. "Think about it?" His artificially smooth voice makes you bare your teeth. There are no agreeable tenors like that in the Vantas family. A Vantas sounds growly and slightly hoarse at all times, and they definitely don't fucking singsong like that.   
"It's nothing. Forget it. Why are you even driving around right now? Shouldn't you be studying for college or something?"   
"Did he make you an offer? Karkat, you know you can always talk about these things to me."   
There we fucking go.


	4. Four

"I just told you it was nothi-"

"I think a lecture is in order - a conversation, I mean. As much as I regret doing this, it seems like you will not come to me on your own, so I am now offering you the opportunity to confess in me from eye to eye. Otherwise I will see myself forced to contact you on skype, and I am not of the opinion that chatting online is the proper way to do these things. Now, before we start, please know that what I am about to say is neither meant to come off as personal offense, nor is it supposed to question your unarguably good character, that you as my brother of course possess. Where was I."

He always cuts you off like that. Your blood is boiling right now, but you don't bring out a single word.

"Ah yes. As I was saying, I find myself in the difficult position of having to urge you to finally confess to the Egbert boy. It is an offense to the entire gay community that you are still closeted, since you have absolutely no reason to. Your safety is not at stake, nor is your family going to kick you out, and I am sure that your unnecessarily violent tendencies will protect you from any and all negative repercussions that could come from coming out to him, or any of your other little friends for that matter."

Your entire body convulses in a fit of rage and your own screaming burns a hole in you as you shake his shoulders with numb hands.

"You don't know a single thing about me, you superficial preachy shit stain!!" You want to bash his ugly face in. "Where the fuck do you even get off to assume that I am a disgusting faggot like you, who gave you the right to talk to me like that?!" You want it so bad right now that it feels like your brain is slowly being cooked inside your skull.

His wide eyes look empty for a moment and his mouth goes slack, but his ashen skin takes color again as he forcefully removes your clenched fingers and drops them like you are filth.

"Karkat Vantas, you will calm down this instant." He sounds like dad. "I will not stand for this homophobic language, you should know better than this." All you can hear is yet another lecture. "Father and I raised you better than this." You take a step back. "And if you do not apologize to me immediately I will see myself coerced into telling him about that book you are hiding in your backpack." You whirl around and run, his indignant yelp background music to the movie of your life.

You need to get away from him, consequences be damned. There is gravel, asphalt, mud, grass, you run past the sports field and the ice cream parlor, you pass Strider's house and your old school and soon your lungs are on fire, your knees get weak and the white burning in your eyes turns into rainbow spots as you collapse near the lake like a crumbling sky scraper, breaking in on yourself and feeling your rage break inside your chest, taking your heart with it.

There is even more fire and more burning as you stare right through the grass, not noticing the dew drops or the ants, and your grip on reality starts to slip when you feel hot rain on your hands and realize that you are crying. Your eyes burn, your legs burn, your chest is ablaze. You welcome the empty feeling that settles in when you are dried up.


	5. Open Up

You fall asleep on the short train ride and count yourself lucky that you wake up in time for your station. You are hungry, exhausted and smell like six different kinds of disgusting. It is barely getting dark and as the sun dips past the horizon, it paints everything an unpleasant red. Your grogginess mixes with your disappointment in the world into a tight feeling in your ribcage, kind of like a swarm of bees clanking angrily at the inner walls of a Tupper container. Whoever trapped them there is probably not going to pay for it. The thought makes you even angrier.

You would have gone to Dave's house, but it is both too close to yours and you also know that that is the first place your relatives will look for you. Plus his brother makes you antsy.

You cringe as the doorbell pierces your ears. Through the metallic taste on your tongue and the cloud-filtered sunset, the guy opening the door looks like he came straight from one of those dumb teenage romance movies you enjoy so much. The ones with the unnecessary filters and the shitty camera work.

You step inside and wait for him to close the door behind you. As soon as you hear the click, you bury your nose in his shirt and inhale his stale laundry smell. He absently pats your back and asks you if you want to smoke one. Hell yeah you do.

Gamzee's house looks as awful as ever, and you tidy up as much as possible when you pass one of the bigger messes he seems to collect like other people do stamps or dead bugs. He leads you to the bathroom and hands you a pile of fresh clothes, fuck knows how he knew you were coming.

The pressure of the shower hits your skin and you wish a little bit less for your imminent death.

When you come out in a cloud of steam, your best friend is already sprawled across his couch, grinning at you like the dopy fucker he is. You flop down on top of him and snatch the joint from his fingers.

As soon as you are high enough to quit worrying about how you sound, you spill over like a bubbling fountain. You chew his ear off about how Kanaya has her life together and how come that's not genetic, how stupidly attractive John is and about your asshole group of friends. Gamzee just nods and smiles all the way through and you start to think he might be too far gone already until you start telling him about Kankri's bicycle speech and he starts to shift under you. When you come to the point where he threatens to tell your dad everything, he all but jumps up and you almost fall from the couch in shock. His pupils are way too dilated for the amount of weed he probably smoked today, and you don't think his facial expression is directed at you. Worry blooms up in your chest like an ugly black paint stain diffused in water.

"I am gonna up and show that motherfucker to treat you like that, Karbro. I'm gonna show him to talk to you like that. He's gonna regret the day he was fucking born, and his blood will paint the walls of my house in the prettiest of reds."

The black rushes into your head and your hands shake when you take his face.

"We talked about this." You are somewhat aware that your speech is slurred. "No matter how much I want to see him beat up, I do not want him dead. Did you hear that? He is not worth going to jail over. Please don't waste your life over him, do you hear me? Gamzee?"

The way he looks at you rips a hole into your sternum. You know what he is going to say before he says it.

"If you up and motherfucking think I wouldn't do everything for you, you are dead wrong, my lil invertebro."

"I didn't mean it like that, and you know it. Just - for my sake, you fucking brain dead lunatic. Please."

Instead of an answer, he slumps over to lean his head on your shoulder. You feel him closing his eyes against your neck and you let out a deep breath. The black slowly turns into blue.

 

 


	6. The Closet Door

Sleeping at Gam's is always an adventure. There's soap on the cupboard and clown posters everywhere, any you're not sure you want to know how fresh the food is. You usually sleep in separate beds, although you've known him for an eternity, but he crawls in with you just as often. You tell yourself that it's because of the nightmares, and it probably is.

Back when your dad called child services on his parents, Gamzee used to sneak out from the foster home at night and run all the way to your house, and you would let him in at 4am, sweaty and gross but still mustering up a grin. He was never mad at your family for ratting out his parents, and you're sure you would've reacted different than him, but as it is, even Kankri can't help but be somewhat fond of this big goofy idiot and his smeared make up.

Still, Gamzee always greets you with a rasped "Hey Kar, don't take this shit in the romantic way, kay?" You're not stupid, you know that he is head over heels for the local vet's assistant, but it's still nice to hear the reassurance. You cling to him extra hard to make him think you need him just as much as he needs you. It's not like you get lonely at night, that's his job.

In the morning, you are greeted by the smell of fried eggs and bacon, and he is just pouring you orange juice as he sees you and grins. You watch his movements a bit until he yawns heartily.

When you sit down, he has his huge fucking legs on your side of the table again, and you kick him until he makes some room. The bacon is amazing as always and you notice a burn on his hand when you grab for the salt. "What's that?" He sheepishly hides his hand under the table, pulling up his shoulders and avoiding your gaze. "All up n burned myself. No biggie, hearth just got its cooking on like it's s'pposed to." Your hand meets your face in a slap. "Did you cool it." "...No?"

You force him to cool it.

Gamzee behind a steering wheel is like letting a goat watch a flower shop overnight, so you shove him out of the way and do it instead. When you stop in front of your house, you have a big knot in your throat and yell at him to drive carefully or you will come to the hospital and break whatever he breaks a second time. He just laughs. Infuriating asshole.

And then you step through the door.

 


End file.
